shit!!!
One day,little Timmy was at school A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ heard the word “shit”.He went home A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ asked his dad for the definition A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ he promptly told him “coats A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ jackets”
Timmy went to school the next day A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ heard the word “screwing”;A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ for a second time,asked his father what it meant “grandpa A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ grandma”
Later, Thanksgiving ηï̤̣̇ƍђ†,his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ says… “Hey bitches A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ hoes!I’ll take your shit to the closet cause dad’s in the kitchen screwing the turkey!
witness
A woman and her young lover were entering a Hotel wen she sees her husband coming out with a young lady,so she yells out: “you son of a bitch! I knew it! that is why I came with a witness!!!
Expensive mistake
A man checked into a hotel.There was a computer in his room,so he decided to send an mail to his wife.However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address,and without realizing he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husband’s funeral.The widow decided to check her mail,expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.After reading d first message she fainted. The son rushed in to the room,found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which reads: “To My Loving Wife,I know u are surprised to hear from me,They have Computers here and we are allowed to send mails to loved ones.I’ve just been checked in. How are U & D kids, D place is realy nice but am lonely here.I hav made necessary arrangement 4 ur arrival 2morow,can’t wait 2 see u! L♥√ع u
Customer Complaint
A woman ask a man with 11 children in an aircraft going to U.S.A this question ,
woman= sir , are all dis ur children ???
Man =no madam , i work in a condom company , and all dis children are the customer’s complain
wedding palava
On her wedding day,d pastor asked d usual question “anyone who feels dis couple shouldn’t b joined in holy matrimony should speak or 4eva remain silence”…a young man raise his hand,seeing him d bride fainted & after she was revived,d pastor asked d man “why did u raise ur hand?….d man replied…’I been just want tell una say we no dey hear 4 back’.. heHe -:) D
Living Happily with your wife
I once asked my friend, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?” He replied, “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems. I asked, “Can you explain?” He said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues whereas my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.” Still not convinced, I asked him to give me some examples. .
He said, “Smaller issues like how many kids to have, the neighbourhood to live, which car we should buy, how much money to save, who, when and where to visit, which sofa, cooker, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not, where to go for holidays, whose mum we should visit etc, etc, are decided by my wife. I just agree to it.
I then asked, “So then what is your role?” He said, “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, the uranium enrichment in North Korea, whether Britain should lift sanctions against Zimbabwe, how to fully exploit Africa’s economic and intellectual potential, whether Yoweri Museveni and Barack Obama should retire, whether Arsenal FC needs to buy new players or change their coach to improve their play, whether Usain Bolt should retire now-while still at his prime etc, etc. My wife never objects to any of these decisions and we live happily!”
Public Toilet
OMG! I was in d public toilets & had just sat down, a voice from d next cubicle said “Hi!, how are u ?”… Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”… D voice said “So what are u up to ?”… I said, “Just doing d same as u, sitting here !”… From next door, “Can I come over?”… Annoyed, I said “rather busy right now”… D voice said, “Listen, I’ll have to call u back, there’s an idiot next door answering all ma questions”
bank
Girlfriend Called her Boyfriend GF: Honey where are you? BF: I’m at the bank. GF: Dear, please I need 3000 bucks to activate my blackberry, 5000 to do my hair and 10,000 to buy a dress. BF: Sorry, I meant I was at the “bank” of a river. Do you want fish?
Job Interview
INTERVIEWER: Tell me the opposite of Good.
EJIRO: Bad.
INTERVIEWER: Come.
EJIRO: Go
INTERVIEWER: Ugly
EJIRO: Fine
INTERVIEWER: U’re wrong!
EJIRO: U’re right!
INTERVIEWER: Shut up!
EJIRO: Keep talking!=))
INTERVIEWER: Ok now stop all that.
EJIRO: Ok now carry on all that.
INTERVIEWER: Get out!
EJIRO: Come in!=)) =))
INTERVIEWER: Oh my God.
EJIRO: Oh my Devil.
INTERVIEWER: U’re Rejected.
EJIRO: I’m selected…:D =)) =))
Paying with kisses
A HUSBAND WORKING ABROAD wrote to his wife…
Dear Sweetheart, I can’t send my salary this month because the global market crises has affected me, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart forever.
Your loving husband, His wife replied…
Sweetheart Dearest,
Thanks so very much for the 100 kisses.
Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.
2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect us only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the rent
4. Supermarket tower did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items that go with kisses….
hope you understand.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses. Please don’t worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance…Shall I plan the same for next month?
